I have just realized that I’m not adept at meeting, creating, and keeping friendships/close relationships with other females. I think I’ve discovered that the reason for this is because of my upbringing.

I had an unemotional mother who didn’t tolerate crying, who rarely showed affection or positive reinforcement. Thus, I was left to go to my father who patiently listened to my issues, and felt sympathetic when I cried about problems at school, but he never offered the kind of support I think I needed from a mother figure.

Instead, he would offer advice- as most men do when approached with an issue. I was grateful for his wise words, and I learned to model this behavior by approaching a problem with a solution-oriented outlook. I am very good at addressing issues and overcoming obstacles in life, but I feel like I’m missing out on essential female support systems and friendships.

A good example of this would be replying to posts on certain threads on ventpark… a woman might post a problem she is having, and several other women will reply with words of sympathy, kindness, and encouragement. Unfortunately, my first impulse is to say to this woman, “What is the real issue? Why do you think you’re experiencing this now at this time in your life, and what lessons might you be able to learn from it?” Sometimes I’ll even offer advice that helped me when I had the same problem in my own life, but instead of any acknowledgment or words of support, my posts are completely ignored.

It’s a bit hurtful, but perhaps I understand why my approach may not be so well received or perceived by others; women (as far as my understanding goes) need to feel a sense of comradery, understanding, trust, and support before they can reciprocate it. Also, sometimes just having someone listen without judging, criticizing, or offering unsolicitated advice is really all a woman needs to feel supported.

Am I right, or at least on the right path?

It’s one thing to understand this concept intellectually, but an entire different ballgame when trying to exercise the concept in real life. As a result I mostly have friendships with guys and very rare friendships with girls, and if any they are superficial at best. When I try to form friendships with girls I feel so unsure of what to do, how to act, what to talk about- it’s such an alien experience and very, very awkward!

I have been with my partner (boyfriend- no, I am not a lesbian!) for almost 10 years and know one day we will get married. My biggest fear about that is not our union as husband and wife, but the fact that I don’t have any close female friends that I will have no choice but to attend my own wedding without having any bridesmaids or a maid of honor. I have actually had nightmares about it, and I just feel so… almost, heartbroken about this.

If anyone has any advice, or is perhaps going through a similar experience, I would be so appreciative for your feedback.