is it just me?
Sunday, April 12th, 2009 at 11:46 pm. (670 views)So here goes. One bad relationship after another. Misunderstood and misunderstand the reasons. I don’t even know why I ponder this but is it impossible to respect a women who has really high aspirations, makes good money (more then most men/boys my age), treats her man well, one child from first marriage, good looking and faithful? I feel like I’m pickin apples from the same tree. Pretty much grew up on my own so very strong willed and knowledgeable. Third crappy relationship since divorce. For some reason, in every relationship I have been beaten, cheated on, disrespected and/or left or had to leave. Is society just so selfish and messed up that it is impossible to make a relationship work? If you don’t love me and don’t know how to show it then don’t say it at all. When you make the commitment…MAKE the commitment. What I am guilty of is having emotions, and getting called crazy for it. If I don’t recall, when you wanted to show emotions in a very unhealthy way such as throwing mantrums in public and such or ignoring every nice gesture from me, who was there to pick you back up? What do I get? walked all over like a doormat. I’m done being a Mommy at 25 years old to cry baby spoiled men/boys. I have a child to take care of who will be brought up to do differently. Its time for “men” to be MEN again. My grandparents wouldn’t have done this, and if they did mess up, they would be worthy of forgiveness based on the fact that when they made a promise…they kept it. I have old fashioned morals for our modern “treat everyone like crap and leave the second there is one slight problem” way of life. Everyone needs to stop sluttin around and givin women a bad name and stop cheating and leaving and disrespecting for your own selfish act. No wonder the older generation seems angry; greedy people have given us all a bad name. Players, B****es, sl***, Ho**, ska***. C’mon being a real man or a real women takes more then a fake image on the outside. Every guy says he wants a good girl then be a GOOD MAN! Common sense, self control. Grow up, have fun but keep it in control. Some day I hope to see a change. Pretty disgusting for the most part but who is really to blame? Can’t beat em join em? Or start finding different trees to pick apples from? I’m done being belittled and judged by any man or anyone.
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April 14th, 2009 at 10:03 am
I dont know if you were ever aware of it, but your not the only one who is tired of the game playing and immaturity of men your age.
There are alot of young women out there who are begining to date older men( not way way older, just older). Reason being, is because an older man has been through it all, and knows how to treat a woman like a woman, not a piece of meat. Another thing to be aware of when dating “any” man, young or old, is his family. If his parents talk trashy or look like they beat the crap out of each other, etc etc, then chances are he’ll do the same to you because thats what he was raised around. What alot of young people dont do much of these days, is meet the parents. First impressions of the parents are more important ”for” you, than thier first impression “of” you. Before you start getting serious with anyone, make the suggestion of meeting thier parents. This way, you will know what your getting yourself into before you get burned. And on the other hand, you may score a winner. And in the same context, look at how your parents raised you. Some people can be just as much the cause of a failed relationship without thier knowing or realizing. If you were raised in a turbulant family, you become a turbulant adult.
But if you were raised with love and attentiveness, you become a person of compassion and sacrifice.
Use your sense of perception when you date a new guy. Your heart and instincts will not lie. If you get a bad feeling, dont go out with him again, but if you feel comfortable beyond doubt, then see where it goes from there.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Yes I am aware that everyone is sick of the games. Just wish these boys Mommies would step in or they would ‘man up’. There are a lot of outside influences for guys my age. I appreciate your good pointers. First, red flags, I usually do not follow my instincts. Second, I was brought up in a few different situations as a child that may or may not have been the ideal lifestyle for a healthy relationship but I am aware of these things before making decisions. I tend to date guys that have been brought up in a less then perfect situation based on the fact that I know that I am not perfect. I have done a lot of evaluating and fine tuning to understand my own situation in a relationship and address where things may be wrong or right. Most of the time, I in a way feel bad for these guys. I love your point about meeting their parents. That is so funny because I just met my current exes parents the day that we broke up. I was soo worried that they would not like me. I really don’t know if they did but I knew many of their acquaintences before actually meeting his Mom (Dad’s out of the picture) and I knew his current step-dad from the past and friend’s of my family. I think that they are very judgemental for the most part. I come off as prissy to some people for some reason. Like I said I have been there done that at my age and seen and been through a lot, and now am in my eyes very successful in my life after a long struggle. I am the farthest thing from prissy, I am way too understanding and forgiving. Oh and my last BF prior to this one was 9 years older then me. He was the worst of them all as far as verbal abuse and using me goes. I’m sure I am at fault to some extent. I actually know I am, but at the same time if i am honest, loving, understanding, forgiving and compassionate in a relationship, I just hope to find a man that can be emotionally stable as well. I greatly appreciate your response and any other advice you may have. Thanks. I plan to be more cautions when dating from here out. I am not getting any younger and I want someone that my child can look up to in a positive way. I know I should follow my intuitions first hand, now it’s time to actually do it.
April 14th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Hi Smalltown, I’m glad I was able to be of help to you.
But no matter what kind of advise anyone gives you, relationships and finding the right guy is like entering a lottery. And unfortunately in this day and age, you have to buy alot of tickets if you want a better chance at picking a winner.
I used to be one of those guys you mentioned in your first thread entry. I was a womanizer and a player for the most part of my life, until I finally took a long look at myself and my life. ( Only I wasnt one to raise my hand to a woman. I was raised better than that) But even so, emotional scars can be worse than physical. And I broke alot of hearts back then.
I’m sure you know, that women mature faster than men. And with that in mind, your choice to date guys that had similar experiences in growing up as you have, doesnt mean they outgrew it yet.
So it may be , that the guy who was 9 years older than you, was actually 9 years younger in maturity. Some guys just dont grow up.
And its a shame that most males between the ages of 15 and 35 always seem to think with the wrong head.
Your still young Smalltown, and you will find the right guy sooner or later. And dont by any means feel you should lower your standards because you think your not “perfect”. By the sound of your impression of yourself, you have many qualities that would make a man of maturity admire.
Just one thing…never carry the baggage from a failed relationship to the new guys house. Leave the past in the past, and move to a better future.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
You are like most of us … a victom of a society influenced by what is shown on TV. We live in a society where it is cool to be needy, thugish, slutish, a pimp, a player and a litany of other things ( all negative). Most Men no nothing about being a man and most Women don’t carry themselves like women. Love songs are anything but that (should be called sex songs). Generally true love is not cool. We are(people like us) are the last refuge of true love. People that truly love each other would go through pure hell to work things out. True love will not allow you to be mean, inconsiderate or selfish towards one another. I hope you find that one out there for you. That one WILL treat you like the queen that you are ALL THE TIME. Age has no bearing on this. I know 40+ year old men that act like they are 15 and 20 year old men that are focused and settled.
Good luck.
June 1st, 2009 at 9:56 pm
your griping because your taste in men sucks???? and wanna say that we are not men….. if you want to find a GOOD MAN then take your damn time the reason your grandperants worked out is because they courted each other the way it is suppose to be done you cant date a guy for a month or 2 and put out and expect him to love you he still don’t know you in such a short time, if the guy is worth it and reallt does like you more than he should he can freaking wait to get laid.. and in my many many experiances your proilly just saying this shit to get attention because EVERY woman i have met says they have old fashioned morals and they are full of shite because they all cheat at one point or another….. grow the hell up and find a man the will stay with you without you opening your legs.. bet you will finally be happy when that happens…
June 1st, 2009 at 10:00 pm
and encoraging i can not belive you said if a persons family is trashy etc. they are prolly the same, that really pisses me off… poor people(trashy)people are more trust worthy than the rich fukers any day of the week, and i watched my mom get the shit beat out of her all the time, and i would rather hit a steel wall than a human anyday of the week so retract that statment and only speak facts…
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Wow kolobus, you sound very angry at women in general. I have reason to believe that you must be single, and there is a reason for it. I am glad that you have made my point about how malestreat women. Obviously you lack communication greatly because I never said half the shit (notice i can spell as well), that you are referring to. Who are you to say that I sleep around as well. You obviously are deprived of that as well. I appreciate you extremely rude comments as I study Psychology and find disorders to be very interesting in peoples ways of communication and what makes hypocrites. I hope that you do not think that you are a catch, Iwould certainly never even look twice at someone who speaks this way, assumes things and thinks that everything that they say is a fact. Enjoy your egotistical lifestyle, Males are ridiculous, REAL MEN are hard to find. By the way, I don’t need your comments, I try not to associate with people who are so negative. Peace to you.
June 11th, 2009 at 1:46 am
June 11th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
That’s disgusting! Get a life buddy!
June 11th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Write your own vent, sounds like you need to, then maybe you will see what others think of your opinion
June 13th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
listen here tiny tim i do write my own vents dumb shite learn to read and you might find a couple of mine, and so far there has been a overWHELMING amount of agreeing with me, so whatever i am not in that bad of mood today so i will go easy on you,and whats disgusting the fact that i get laid or that i am in shape, lemme guess your one of the obese americans huh.. if so that might be why you have men troubles.. in order to find someone to care for you , you have to care about your self first.. and fat people who are just fat, and dont have an excuse like lymphnode disorder’s and shite, don’t care about themselves so much..anyways later and good luck finding that special someone… Mr. Grimm
July 14th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
First off, I would like to point out that kolobus is going through a lot of shit right now, and has probably been for a while. You might try reading some of his vents. I would also like to say that it sucks that you can’t find someone that respects you. It seems like all the girls that I’ve ever met only like the assholes who want one thing. The only reason I’m not as cynical as kolobus is that I’ve not went through it as long. You’ll find somebody eventually. Try being a guy looking for a girl who is interested, and wants to be treated with love and respect, rather than just used as a sex toy. I hate my life.
September 7th, 2009 at 2:57 am
thanks for the support and understanding again Doru, i appreciate it..