About me…
(1,517 views)ok i am very glad i found this site… i am a very firm believer in venting.. keeps me from doing something very stupid and evil..
i am 29 yo, i was picked on and beat up my entire time in school.. i was the smallest weakest and not to bright either specially in math and english..i remember almost everything that has happened to me in my entire life because it is all significant, hell i even freaked my mom out once because i remembered something that happenedto her while i was in the womb, i have been screwed over cheated on stole from in just about every relationship i have ever been in.. so i am the hartless wanderer.. there are things that i think about all the time that would scare even the strongest of men,.. with all the shit that has happened to me i still try to live my life as best and nice as i can.. BUT this war that has been raging on in my mind to be GOOD or to give up and let the EVIL reign is starting to weaken me, my resolve is comeing to an end and i do not know how much longer i can fight this EVIL within me.. thats why i am here hopeing that having a place to vent and get actual input on my situations will help ease this burden, i am at the point in my life where i cannot even be happy in my dreams because of all the shit women have put me thu they are doing it there now.. and that really pisses me off cause that used to be the only time i could actually be happy.. BUT NOT ANYMORE.. so i feel a little better now and will await your responses what ever they may be.. talk to you all later kolo.
(This vent has no vote question)
An anonymous user says:
Hey dude, good choice choosing venting over doing something stupid. I know how you feel.
I’m gonna give it to you straight. Your big mistake was letting other people determine your level of happiness. In other words, you let yourself get to the point where girls were all that could make you happy. You let them control your happiness, and then they stuck it to you and now you’re screwed.
You gotta get your life back under your own control. Figure out how you can make yourself happy by yourself without depending on other people. Doesn’t mean that you have to become a hermit. You just need to become confident that you can make yourself happy without anyone else’s influence, and then you’ll be able to deal with other people without having to worry about how they make you feel. You’ll find life a lot better that way.
I went through a similar situation myself. I know how you feel and how heavy and impossible it seems when you’re in the middle of it. But trust me, there is a way out. You gotta build up your own confidence in yourself. That’s the way out.
aself907 says:
The first thing that you need to understand is that you are the master of your own demise. It is easier said than done, but you need to trust and believe in yourself. Happiness comes from within, not from someone, or from an outside source. A person can make you feel happy or sad, but at the end of the day you are the only one responsible for you. Try not to let things get you down. Women are complex creatures, and before you can understand them and find the right one for you, you have to understand yourself, and be prepared to understand the woman that is right for you. Chances are good that the women that you find amazingly attractive, are not the ones that you will fall in love with. Look outside your box, and that is the most likely place you will find what you are looking for. If you like blondes, you’ll end up with a brunette, you like red heads, you get a blonde. You like spanish women, you end up with a white girl…. see where I’m going with this. Everything that you think you are in life, is never what you really are.
kolobus says:
thanks alot for your input guys, i understand what you are saying and believe me i dont care about my type of women black white asian caucasion, a female is a female to me, as for hair color samething goes they all have there perks..lol love redheads,, but black streight hair i find more attractive because it is what i have,but blonde is good and exotic colors well i like those too..lol and there are days when i am happy it is just at the end when everyone is gone that i feel alone, i just want someone there that i can hold the whole night thru and i would be truly happy.. but i really do thank you both i didn’t expect anyone to reply to my shit really thanks again, Kolo
ehears says:
Hi. i know you have good insight because Ive read your comments to others, such as that girl in an abuse relationship. Youre an intelligent person and intuitive person, and I bet you need to trust yourself and your decisions. Also, stop being so hard on yourself. It sounds cliched, but you have to “love” yourself, (not in a narsiccistic way), and then you will find woman seek you out, because you radiate peace and comfort. Excercise and yoga help center me, without that, Im climbing the walls.
kolobus says:
thank you ehears.. good to know some people understand the value of tough love, and i have tried yoge just cant stay focus long enough for it to work ya know.. later..
trdriver0123 says:
I have similar feelings, my time growing up was terrible. I carried the same feelings till age 39. I Opened up to my family doctor, and he put me on meds, and those feelings and thoughts don’t control my life anymore. Took over a year to find the right meds, everybody reacts different to these, and there is at least a dozen. Try this, give it some time, and things get better.
An anonymous user says:
I don’t recommend meds for something like this. They may in some cases make things feel more tolerable in the short run, but they’re very dangerous and damaging in the long run. And there’s no scientific evidence that they even work. There are better alternatives.
kolobus says: