Heartbroken and don’t know what to do
(921 views)Three years ago in high school I started dating this boy who was 2 years older than me. We were deeply in love but my strict parents made it hard for us to meet, especially when he started college. It was hard to keep the long distance relationship going, and we often had fights. But despite everything, we still loved each other very much.
We always pined for the day where I would go to college too, and we could be together w/o my parents being there. But when the time came in Aug 2008, he was being so clingy that I couldn’t stand him anymore. I still loved him but I wanted to be free to make friends in college. It was devastating to him and we didn’t talk for a month.
After a month I missed him and started talking to him as a friend again. Over the next 2 months I realized that I was still very much in love with him, and that we broke up because I was so exhausted trying to keep our relationship unknown to my parents.
I was about to tell him that I still want to be with him when he told me that he has been dating this girl for 2 months already. I was in shock because I had no idea about this girl. Worse, he told me that he cheated on me with her over the summer when we were having problems. This girl has liked him for 2 years and sprang on him when we broke up. He’s admitted to me that she was just a rebound to him but he has refused to leave her to get back with me.
When we hang out occasionally now, we have so much fun together and he still looks at me with the same feelings in his eyes. I hate to admit that I tried to ask him to break up with her. He has wavered, but he doesn’t think it’s fair to his girlfriend, since she doesn’t know about me. He has told me that he still has feelings for me and probably will always have feelings for me, but right now he is happy with her. He’s admitted that the only reason he is not with me is because he is with her.
I’ve decided to stop badgering him because I know that’s only going to push him away more. Everyday is painful because I have to live with the fact that he is with another girl when I love and care for him the way I do. Sometimes he tells me to move on, I try, but I just don’t feel the same way about anyone else.
I want to wait for him, but at the same time I feel so pathetic when he is with his girlfriend and I am just waiting for him. He says that we’ve had a good relationship together, but bad timing and my strict parents gave us so much trouble that it hurts. I understand that he just wants to relax and chill but it just breaks my heart that he isn’t willing to give us another chance.
Am I pathetic in still loving someone who’s already in a relationship? He was my love at first sight and I don’t ever want to lose him. Any advice would be appreciated thank you.
(This vent has no vote question)
An anonymous user says:
First, you’re not pathetic. Matters of the heart are very hard to keep in check.
Second, stop waiting for him and start dating other people. By not doing so, you’re denying yourself the chance to meet someone else who may be better for you.
If it’s meant to be, in time it will happen. You will always have the time you spent together, and you will always be friends.
An anonymous user says:
I agree with the poster above. When you’re relatively new to the dating game and you’re in love, it’s very hard to imagine that there could be anyone else out there for you. And the idea that there could be someone even better than the one you are currently in love with seems completely impossible.
But as hard as it may be, you really should start hanging out with other guys and going on dates with the ones you like. You have nothing to lose. This guy you’re waiting for is dating someone else, so this is your chance to date other people too. Then you can make a better decision about what you want and what’s best for you because you’ll have had more experiences to choose from.
If it’s meant to be between you and this guy, then you will both find yourselves single at the same time in the future and you can get back together then. But don’t waste your life waiting for it when there are so many other great opportunities waiting for you in the meantime.
jen says:
Thank you two both for the replies and not make me feel more stupid haha. I’ve realized that as long as he is with her, he will not think of me. It’s just super hard to not think about this every minute of the day and not let it consume my life.
An anonymous user says:
This won’t help any but.
I can relate. My ex’s mother seperated us when we were young.
we were soulmates…but no longer are
time heals all.
and i am married to someone else now
and he is with someone too
only time can tell my dear