im in the exploration stage of my religious journey.
ive been to churches and synogouges but neither really caught my attention. but ive never really put solid faith into any religious crap. at all. in fact, thats all i really thought it was.  
i think maybe humans are lead onto their life path by things that intrest them.
like if art intrests you, but so does kids. an art teacher maybe?
or if being lazy intrests you you have two choices- a politican or a bum.
and i belive your ancestors have a lot more to do with your religious belives than anyone would think.
before i found out that my lineage is like 43% native american and like 50% irish and 7% mix of a bunch of things japanese, german and english 

i was drawn to a mixture of pagan and native american ceremonies and rituals. as i recall my mother is like 80% native american her grandfather or something was a mutt, her other lineage was all indian. and my fathers side is almost completely irish, way way way back. dublin, ireland. some where, somehow, his family got mixed in with one irish, indian woman. she was a blackfoot (google it)

anyways- before the irish pretty much all converted to catholism, they were originally pagan… google it if you have no idea what im talking about cuz its 500 in the morning and i have no will to explain to all uneducated folks (gotta love google) anyways, im more drawn to it than anything else, and what concerns me is i am drawn to native american belifes also. and i always wanted to stay away from that, because my grandmother fell ill because of bad medicine she took from the hayoka (again, google it) so, i was wondering if my lineage is leading me, or is it me?

because i have no conscious desire to be pagan or native
but nothing else excites me as much and nothing else stirs this weird feeling when im reading up on it, or trying out praying using tobacco to the directions, heavens, earth air fire water or soul.

and everything i draw or paint is an expression of one of the elements or the balance i am so obsessed with.

and after walking into a church after reading this, i realized that christianity is much the same only with more prejudice and guidelines, being only one god, and has many absurd conterdictions

one being thou shalt not kill- there are so many wars in jesus’ name. i dont understand how that is not a conterdiction

they use holy water, holy candles, and plants in a church regularly. how can wiccans or pagans or natives be so abhored by christians for using the natural things around them just as pagans, natives and other earth based religions.

the symbolic use of wine for jesus’ blood and bread for his flesh is also something adopted from the pagans. why hang the witches (wiccans are pretty much the same as pagans) way back in the day, when they use some of if not the same majick as wiccans do also.

sorry had to rant. kinda mad about that. had to adress it.    

what im wondering is why i get an amazing magnetic pull from the native rituals and the pagen belifes, having no conscious desire to want to be a part of those religions (or any set religion for that matter) but nothing inspires me more (in my painting) than these religions. but seeing where it got my grandmother, i dont want to bring that curse upon my family.

What is pulling me towards this idea? that the earth is one big organism? that fire, water, wood, air, earth are all connected? i was always just on a journey, but what if i found my destiny? is history to repeat itself, with me, as it did with my grandma?

i dont want to make the same mistakes as my family…

but nothing appeals to my soul, my being more than the ideas these religions, put together can create. it paints a pretty damn nice picture.

I really DO NOT MEAN TO PREACH

cuz now im sounding like a johovahs witness

but seriously, can you be a reincarnation of your bloodline?

or can your bloodline determine what you are?

can you have an invisible force that draws you in leading you into your destiny?

And how do you aviod hypocrisy when dealing with any religion?