I am once again on the verge of ending a 6 year situation where I have been in love with someone who strings me along just enough to keep me without committing. He has mental and emotional issues that i thought I could work past with him. I have spent the last two years living with him in a roach infested, dog piss filled, falling apart in everyway home. I have convinced myself and my son that it will get better every time he begs me to stay and says that things will change. He is now injured and out of work and I am paying bills that are not mine when the whole point of me moving in with him was for me to save money and see where our “love” would take us….. When I leave he may lose his home, but I can not stay there any longer. He is sucking the life out of me and my son sees it. I try to sugar coat everything for my son, but he is almost 13 and I can’t let him down this time.

Some of our issues are:

He is bulimic, lazy, dirty, curses, doesn’t like to be touched, won’t commit, we don’t have sex because he says it stirs up too much emotion and he wants me to lose weight.I have become insecure with him and do not trust anything he says anymore.

He has Post traumatic stress from a number of things that have happened to him in his life. He is gererally emotionally detached and says that he wants to be with me and that we can make it work, but that he has so much work to do on himself that he can’t be with me until he is whole again. He has made a very small amount of progress over the last two years. I have lost most of my love for him because he has rejected me for so long. We have different ideas on how to raise kids, what our priorities are and what life is all about. I am free spirited and love life and everyone and I believe that people can change their lives if they really want to…all you have to do is just make it happen….He believes that people do not have control over their lives and that circumstance holds people back….but I say if you don’t like the situation, you have two feet….go find a situation you are comfortable with….but I can’t seem to abide by my own idea because I haven’t just walked away from him because I want him to be the way he was when we firts met. the problem is, the person I met is not the person he is on the inside. He talks a great game about what he wants out of life, but he doesn’t make anything happen ,….he acts like he is a victim all the time and the world has conspired to hold him back.

He plays a game with me because he says he needs me to be unemotional…he basically tells me in a very serious way that he is not in love with me, not attracted to me and all kinds of other things so that I will back off of him…..so that he can GROW….and get better….but I don’t get it…..He has killed the love I have for him so that he can find it within himself to love me…..what kind of craziness is this??

I get upset and go off on him…yelling and throwing things because I have tried everything to explain why i feel the way I feel and he doesn’t resond to it.

Years ago, we met on the internet..we fell for each other and then he stopped calling , I moved on, then one day he called out the blue and wanted to be with me, but I had found someone else. I love him, but I was committed to someone else…it crushed him and he may never get over it. I have since moved half way across the us to live with him because I wanted to see if we could work. We are not in a relationship but I feel like I deserve not to be disrespected by him talking to other women if we are really trying to work towards something. All this BS about WORKING TOWARD something ….i use to buy into it…..but i’m just not so sure that he is working toward anything considering that he can’t commit….It’s more like he is just waiting for me to say that it’s over so he can be hurt like he just knew he would and sit and sob all by himself because the world is against him and he is just not meant to love.

Everytime I tell him I am gone…he breaks down and makes me believe that he is on the verge of committing to me and that we are going to be together and do all the things that he hasn’t done since the last time I was about to leave. I want to believe that he will change and be consistent. I want to believe that I will feel secure and loved and special, but I just have this feeling that If I stay, it won’t be long until we are right back at this same point going through all of this all over again.

The only time he shows any real emotion or has any real motivation to make things happen is in the small two week window after I decide to stay based on the things he says will change.

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