I dont know if my jealousy is real anymore. I sometimes can not tell if i am rightfully jealous or completely creating reasons to become unglued and insecure. I want to be sane. I want to feel free and not like every person who decides to be in a relationship with me is using me for physical pleasure. I have had horrible relationships where my partners would publicly ridicule me, sexually abuse me, mentally abuse me, and just plain hurt me intentionally. The poor guy who i am dating now is probably the most wonderful guy i have ever met. Now here comes the crazy, I dont know sometimes if he is sincere because my demented mind tells me its all a sick cruel joke and his chivalry is all an act. A woman sent a bulk text message to her contacts with a platonic Happy Thanksgiving message. My guy didnt even know who the sender was and wrote back asking. When the response came in that she had met him at the restaurant where he works around the same time we became a couple i lost it. My body was shaking uncontrollably and i wanted to pack all my things and leave him. I felt so betrayed and angry because i was wishing i would never have a reason to be crazy or jealous with him. I asked her ever so crazily “this is his girlfriend im sorry how to you know him?” To which she replied ” I ate at the restaurant where he works and he served me…” I felt like an asshole. It was probably an innocent meeting and couldnt have gone very far.  Then this morning i woke up with the piercingly loud thought of “Well how did she get his number then?” Who needs these thoughts?!?!?!?! All he does is go to work, then comes straight home to be with me all night telling me how much he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. I know he is telling the truth and I want to start believing that i deserve it. HELP!