My Story
(467 views)While I was married myself I got involved with a married man almost 7 years ago. I fell in love with this man and decided to rather get divorced and did so. During the 1st year of our relationship I heard him talking to another woman and it sounded very intimate, he told me it was nothing and just a friend. The relationship between me and this man got really serious and he told me he loved me and I’m the only woman in his life even though he was still married. His wife know me and new about the relationship, she came to see me to ask me to leave him alone which I was prepared to do but he told me again that he loved me and not his wife and he doesn’t want to be without me. Two years later I suspect him having an affair with another woman as well, he told me that they were only friends. One time a friend of mine asked him to accompany her to a work function, I was very upset about it because I knew this woman and how se operate, I didn’t trust her with him, after all my complaining he went with her, they came home very late and she took him to her home and bedroom. He told me nothing had happened, that they did talk about sex but decided not to go that far. I didn’t believe it and lost the friendship with this woman because I spied on them, by the end of that year I found out that the other woman I suspected him having an affair with was true. I told him to leave me alone but he came back asking for forgiveness, not sure what to do the other woman he went with to the function thought I should know more about him to help me get over him, She together with another friend arrange a meeting and invited the other woman as well. After the meeting I wanted to leave when the other woman left but they asked me to stay because they had something else to share with me. They then told me that both of them had a sexual relationship with him. He phoned me while I was at these ladies place and I ignored the call, he then phoned me on the other ladies phone and asked to speak to me, I told him to leave me alone and that I knew about the things he did. He came to my place asking again for forgiveness and told me it won’t happen again. About 6 months on I got another suspicion and phoned a friend, she then told me that yes she knew that he was also involved with her sister-in-law, it happened that he was simultaneously involved with me, this woman and the other one. Again I wanted to end the relationship but he kept coming back. A year later I suspect him again having an affair with another married woman who was the choir leader at our church and of which he was one of the choir members. I phoned her and she denied it and so did he. December that year her husband came to see me and confirm my suspicion that the relationship was real. He was away on holiday during this time and by telephone I broke up with him telling him this was it, no more, it’s over, and I don’t want anything to do with him again. He kept on phoning and sms me while he was away pleading with me to give him another chance and that it would never happen again. I took him back and he at some stage came to stay with me for a few months, then I found out again that he was lying, I saw an sexual sms he send to another woman, I phone her and she told me that they did sleep together. He told me that it was a few moths ago and it was during a time that we were separated, I knew he was lying and he went back to his wife. He came back again. Four months ago he asked me if the two of us can’t get a place to stay of our own, I thought I would give it a try and that maybe this time he would be true. The first month was great but then things started to change, his phone is always on silent or off when his at home, if he do use his phone it’s usually when he is alone. His wife won’t allow him to bring his children to us so if he wants’ to see then he has to go see them at home, leaving me alone on weekends. Last Friday he got a call at home and I could hear a bit of what he was saying, I asked him who it was, he told me that it was a teacher at one of the local schools who was writing papers for his employer, work related and that he had to go pick it up from her before he had to leave for PE on the Saturday, he had work to there last week, I asked him if he would take me with when he’s going to pick it up Saturday morning, he said yes. Saturday morning I asked him when he’s going to get the papers, he told me that he already got it the previous evening when he had to go home. When I took him to the airport I asked him where the file was, he told me he already packed it, I knew it wasn’t true because I know what he packed. He came back this Friday from PE, Saturday he told me he was going to spend some time with his son, and he would see me later. Later that night I phoned him asking where he was, he told me he was just a few blocks away, gave me the street name, I saw a paper between his things previously with that address and drove there, he was just leaving when I arrived, he didn’t see me. I saw a man and woman and asked them if he was just there with them. They said yes and it turned out that she was the teacher he supposedly had to collect the papers from the previous week; she said that he wasn’t there when he told me he was. I talked to her and told her why I was so upset and that he lied to me. When I got home I confronted him about the lies, asked him why he told me that he had to go fetch a file from her when it clearly wasn’t true, he couldn’t give me an explanation, just told me that I don’t need to know everything about him. Yesterday he phoned me, blaming me that because I went to see the teacher her husband is so upset and aggressive towards her that she’s scared he might hurt her, that I accused her of having an affair with him and it’s my entire fault. Off course I feel bad, but I knew I never accused her of having an affair with him, I told her he used her name to hide a lie, when I went to the address I wasn’t sure who was living there. I don’t know what to do and how to get away from this man whose busy destroying me and other women lives.
(This vent has no vote question)

MamaGrimtribe says:
*hug*
*hug* *hug*
Thank you for not being one of the desparate and sad Sallies who wants to “change him” or let him come back - believing the lie of “I’ll never do it again”. Obviously there’s something seriously psychological happening with the guy. I’ve lived with guys who would look you dead in the face and lie with the proof in front of them.
Sounds like time to change your phone number, your address and a little bit of attitude. I agree with helping a sister avoid a dog, but it’s not your job. Trust that these other ladies will figure him out themselves. Take your life into your hands and do what you need to, to excise the rotten part of your apple. I lost my favorite nick having to disappear from an idiot ex. New email address and IM name would be a good idea as well.
If he absolutely refuses to leave you alone, it’s time to check into stalker laws in your state. You might consider seeing if you can get a restraining order. It will send a serious back-off message.
You deserve love on your terms. Good luck, honey. It’s time to re-invent yourself without him. Have fun with it… stretch your new butterfly wings and go fly!
marlowedh says:
I agree with mamagrimtribe, you need to fully separate yourself from this man. I am very concerned at his response to your confronting him about the teacher/papers lie. To say that a woman’s husband might hurt her and it is all *your* fault reveals a highly developed sense of narcissism and a healthy imagination for physical violence towards women. For whatever reason, whether it is unresolved guilt over leaving your husband, or a fantasy of who you thought this man might be (but is clearly not) for your own mental well-being you need to block him from your life in everyway. He wants to control and manipulate you, not love you. Think of all the other wonderful things you could be doing with your time rather than stressing out about what he is or isn’t doing. Don’t waste anymore time or energy on this loser. And don’t beat yourself up for having tried with him. Just move completely and irevocably on!
Conb says:
Thank you but I was thinking that maybe I should go see a physiologist to find out why it’s so hard for me to let go of this relationship. The way I feel now is that I don’t think I want to get into another relationship, don’t feel like going through the trouble of caring for someone again, and could be that I’m scared of getting hurt again.
Conb says:
Yesterday I was told that the woman I went to see’s husband has committed suicide; I believe that if it’s true this man must have had other issues, but I can’t help but to feel a bit of guilt.
kolobus says: