The Vent
excuses?
(384 views)Why is it when I try to help a friend out, she is ALWAYS making excuses!! I am trying to help a friend save something and she tells me she wants it to work, but it seems like no matter what suggestion I have it isn’t what they need or want??? IDK… I tried to stay out of it, but she keeps calling and venting to me.. What can I do to help or stay out of it. She is one of my best friends so avoiding her calls is NOT an option.
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I need suggestions for them to work out?
thetaman says:
Sounds like she herself is doing something to make the situation bad, and she can’t face up to it, so she just keeps venting to you instead of doing something effective to handle the situation. In other words, she just wants to bitch about it to demonstrate how much of a victim she is in order to avoid facing the fact that she is contributing to the bad situation herself.
So you have to get her to take a look at what she herself is doing that’s creating the bad situation. Once she sees that, she can change it. But she of course is overwhelmed by it (which is why she can’t face it in the first place), so you’ll have to approach it gently instead of just shoving her face into it.
You can’t solve problems for other people. You can only help them be able to face up to their own problems so they can solve them themselves. That’s why she’s not accepting your suggestions.
marlowedh says:
It may also be helpful for you to realize that she may not really want you to *solve* anything, and looks to you more as an outlet for her frustrations. She herself may be on the fence about her commitment to solving or fixing anything, and is only looking for an audience to rehearse her complaints and disappointments as well as her desires as she decides what it is she really wants to do.