The sausage rolls in my gut were less than before, BUT THERE WERE STILL SAUSAGE ROLLS THERE. And on some days when bloating took place, they were really GIGANTIC sausage rolls! And with cottage cheese on top.

Some days my arms were near cellulite-free and other days they were spongy.

Someone said, “hey have you ever seen fat on someone who eats fruits and vegetables only?” I became vegan. For 4 months. Nothing.

I also gave up every toxic shampoo, conditioner, lotion, etc. in the hopes that would change things. Nada.

I tried eating less. Nothing.

I tried a little of my dreaded friend cardio. Nope. Plus my online friends were killing themselves with tons of high impact dance cardio and still complaining so I wasn’t gonna lose a knee joint and do that too!

I turned on the Fitness TV channel and added Jillian, Samsone, Abs of Steel, Love Your Buns. Nada again.

I bought every sketchy cellulite ridding lotion and massaged and pounded them into my skin and dry brushed and … nothing. No difference.

Well, acceptance was the only thing I came up with. Surrender. I’d have to accept my state of affairs. I was never going to be able to walk the pageant girl walk. Hey at least I could stuff my blubber into a size 6 or 4. Guess I’d have to be happy.

I ordered some yoga pants online. The material was dreamy soft. They were a plum color. I walked past a mirror and DAMN IT! My cellulite was showing THROUGH the pants and you couldn’t even see through the pants by holding them up in the sunlight! WHAT?! Yes, you read correctly. Cellulite show-through of pants that were thick.

Then I went on vacation and sat in a hot tub with blue light. Let me tell you something. Of the colored light spectrum, blue is the WORST for cellulite. It is the devil light. I was glad I was sitting in water so that the tears falling from my face as I cried and cursed didn’t ruin any fine furniture. This experience outweighed being in one of those dressing rooms with the horrendous lighting. This was worse. My eyes were scarred as the image was forever imprinted on my brain.