I had pre-researched what equipment I needed and ordered and shopped while the DVDs were being shipped. I was ready and focused just like those students of hers that burst into her studio for class.

When the package came I swear my insides welled with hope. This was better than a date. Somehow I knew this was going to be different. I was thrilled to get a letter saying thank you from Dove and to visit her studio if I was ever in L.A. The romance began.

I put in the first DVD and yes, there on the TV was… the house of pain, I mean, her exercise studio.

And there was Dove.

She is long and lean and toned and has in-shape lines all over the place. I did not know that all those lines were possible in the human anatomy. I only knew about craters and spongy dips. I did have my one short line down the sides of my thighs but Dove had LINES. I always thought to have those many lines you had to be anorexic and she certainly didn’t look like that but she certainly didn’t have an ounce of fat either.

I began the DVD with no expectation just sheer excitement.

I vaguely remember about 15 minutes into it hearing, “one more” and the next thing I knew I was waking up on my mat and the DVD was finished.

Okay that didn’t go well.

Like one of those date knock out drugs you hear about on 20/20 — it was over! I missed it! All this anticipation and what? I had to fall asleep? This is the marker of how out of shape I am every single time: the nap. In the battle of toxins vs. alertness, disturbing my subcutaneous toxins always knocks me out.

“Tough but doable” echoed in my brain which was the only known place in my body lacking in cellulite. I agreed on the tough, but doable? Maybe tough for me and doable for someone else is what she meant.